Birmingham Mum Reveals 'Rabbit in Headlights' Feeling of Motherhood
Chloe Heath, a 30-year-old mother from Kings Heath, has bravely shared her experience of feeling like a 'rabbit in the headlights' after the birth of her daughter Margot. Her story supports Acacia Family Support's 'Motherhood – Not What You Expected?' fundraising campaign, which aims to shed light on the often-hidden struggles many mothers face.
The Trauma of Birth and the Struggle to Cope
Shortly after Margot's birth, the baby suffered a collapsed lung and was rushed to intensive care. Chloe felt compelled to stay strong for her family, including her children, stepchildren, and fiancé. "I needed to be strong for the children and my partner," she said. "But I was scared. I was really scared. I felt like a rabbit in the headlights. I just kept going."
This was not Chloe's first encounter with postnatal challenges. Six years earlier, after giving birth to her firstborn Arthur, she experienced low mood, tearfulness, and a lack of motivation. During her complex pregnancy with Margot, she benefited from one-to-one support sessions with Acacia, a Birmingham-based charity that helps parents dealing with prenatal and postnatal depression and anxiety.
The Mask of Motherhood and Mental Health Deterioration
After leaving the hospital, Chloe's mental health began to deteriorate again. "I noticed my mood was quite low when we came out of hospital and got home," said Chloe, who works as a specialist nurse. "The visits from our health visitor had started to slow down and the midwives had discharged us. It was a case of realising you're on your own now, you and this little baby. Your partner's going back to work and you feel like you're spinning a million plates."
She described how anxiety took over and depression crept in. "I was a mum with four children, including my stepchildren, and I felt I just had to keep pushing through. I told myself 'don't let yourself get upset, or if you do, do it in the bathroom so the children don't see'. With friends and family, I'd let that guard down a little bit, but I felt if I let it down completely, I'd just crash and I wouldn't be able to cope. The mask was very much on and it was a case of getting through each day and hoping it'd just get better."
How Acacia Provided Crucial Support
Acacia offers one-to-one support sessions and eight-week group courses with 'befrienders'—employees and trained volunteers, many of whom have personal experience with mental health challenges. The charity also operates a crèche service, allowing parents to leave their children while attending sessions at its two centres.
After staying in touch with Chloe post-pregnancy, Acacia offered her one-to-one and group support sessions. "Straight away I felt safe to leave Margot at Acacia's creche and I wanted to go and have that time on my own with a 'befriender' talking about what life was looking like, what kind of week that I'd had and have an opportunity to cry if I needed to cry," Chloe explained. "It was a place where I felt safe and supported and I could be honest about how I was feeling."
After eight months of support, Margot has celebrated her first birthday, and Chloe is planning her summer wedding. She credits Acacia with transforming her life: "When I compare myself to where I was 12 months ago, I'm like a completely different person. Acacia gave me a safe space and allowed me to start opening up. It didn't feel like there was that stigma around postnatal depression with Acacia. If Acacia weren't there, I don't know where things would've gone. It could've got to a point where those thoughts were creeping in that I didn't want to be here, or that my family may be better off without me."
The Importance of Acacia's Campaign and Funding Challenges
Chloe's story is part of Acacia's Mother's Day fundraising campaign, launched in response to NHS funding cuts and significant reductions in charitable donations and grant income. These financial challenges are expected to cost Acacia 20 percent of its overall budget in the coming 12 months.
Acacia Acting Director Becky Douglas-Jones highlighted the campaign's significance: "Mother’s Day is framed as a joyful celebration of motherhood, but the reality is different for many women. One in four mothers experience anxiety, depression or other serious mental health problems during pregnancy or after the birth. When they see images of other people’s perfect Mother’s Day, it amplifies the guilt, shame and inadequacy they feel because they’re struggling to bond with their baby. But thanks to the brave mums who’ve gone on camera to tell their stories, our campaign can shine a light on the side of motherhood you don’t see on social media."
Head of Fundraising Vicki Hook warned of the consequences if the funding gap is not addressed: "Birmingham has the second-highest number of instances of perinatal mental health conditions in the country. Unless we can raise enough to cover this shortfall, there’ll be less support in a hotspot where support is most needed. Our early intervention support often stops mothers reaching crisis point. If we can’t replace these funds, many mothers won’t get that preventative service when prompt treatment is so essential."
Becky Douglas-Jones emphasized Acacia's unique approach: "There’s a fear of acknowledging that you’re not coping – a misguided fear that social services will take your baby away. We’re able to offer that non-judgmental, comfortable space for them to share how they’re feeling. Acacia has a beautiful family feel, offering kindness, hope, care and gentleness. Our mums feel welcome; they feel included; they feel special and important. We're a local charity. We're here for Brummie families, supported by local volunteers and staff who’ve been through perinatal mental health problems themselves and are motivated to go the extra mile."
Founded in 2003 by two mothers, Emma Borg and Rachel Gregory, who experienced perinatal mental health problems, Acacia is a Christian charity open to families of all faiths or none. It relies on donations, charitable trusts, and private/public-sector donors to continue its vital work.
