Many grandparents find themselves providing full-time childcare during the summer holidays, often feeling obligated rather than choosing to do so. This can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion, warns BACP counsellor Roya Royle.
Physical and Emotional Toll
Royle explains that looking after young children is both physically and emotionally demanding. Neglecting personal needs can result in burnout by September, affecting relationships and interests. "If you neglect your own health, other relationships and interests, then you will start to feel burnt out by the end of the summer," she says.
Burnout can also impact grandchildren, who may experience a snappier, irritable version of their grandparents. Royle notes, "The grandchildren might experience a much more snappy, irritable version of childcare if their grandparents are experiencing burnout, so it can have a negative impact on everybody involved."
Setting Boundaries
Royle emphasizes that problems often arise when people fail to communicate their limits. She advises grandparents to assess their capacity before discussing plans with parents. "Don't offer unlimited availability during the summer holidays and try to only offer what you feel comfortable with," she says.
Grandparents should decide how long they are willing to provide childcare and how to handle last-minute requests. Setting expectations around these aspects can prevent misunderstandings.
Keeping the Peace
Logistical conversations should be held when grandchildren are not present. Royle suggests, "Avoid having these conversations when grandchildren are present. You could set them up to play or watch TV in one room, and then could go into another room to chat about this."
Using messaging apps like WhatsApp can help coordinate plans without pressure. "When everyone's really busy and you're trying to make a lot of plans at once, having it all written down on WhatsApp or in an email can be really helpful as it gives people a chance to respond when they're ready," Royle advises.
When discussing feelings, Royle recommends using "I" statements to avoid blame, such as "I feel overwhelmed" or "I'm struggling."
Choosing Yourself
Royle stresses that saying no is a normal part of healthy family dynamics. "In healthy families, we should all be able to ask each other for whatever we need help with, but we should also not be afraid to say no or to hear a no," she explains.
Grandparents must prioritize self-care to effectively care for others. "You can't pour from an empty cup, so remember that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else," Royle says. She recommends carving out time each week for personal interests, such as gardening or swimming.
Sharing Passions
To make childcare more enjoyable, grandparents can suggest activities they genuinely look forward to. Royle suggests, "If you have a particular interest, such as bird watching or fishing, you could suggest doing that with your grandchildren."
Passing on passions to grandchildren can be rewarding. "Passing that passion onto your grandchildren can feel very worthwhile and meaningful," she adds.
Finally, Royle advises regular check-ins with family throughout the summer to review arrangements and address any issues. "Keep reviewing the arrangements throughout the summer to see if everyone is still happy. Regular check-ins are important to review anything that might not be working," she concludes.
