With the countdown to December 25th in its final, frantic days, a very specific form of communication takes hold across the UK. It's a seasonal shorthand, a unique lexicon developed over years of festive tradition, and deciphering it is an art form in itself.
The Unique Dialect of December
At any other time of year, the question "Are you ready yet?" could apply to anything from winter preparations to a television final. In the precious few days before Christmas, however, its meaning becomes singular and loaded. It transforms into an enquiry about whether you have secured enough wrapping paper, purchased a gift for Great Uncle Fred, and remembered to order the meat for the big day.
This is the lingua franca of the festive season, a complex language built around a single date. Like any language, it has its nuances and pitfalls. Get the language of love wrong, and you risk a restraining order. Misinterpret the Victorian language of fans, and a poor girl could end up married to a man with an unappealing handlebar moustache. The language of Christmas, however, is a different kettle of Bailey's altogether.
Decoding the Festive Code
What begins as straightforward communication soon bends and stretches like Santa's trouser elastic as stress builds and days dwindle. The innocent-sounding "Are you ready yet?" morphs into an urgent entreaty. The correct response is a resounding "no", designed to make the enquirer feel better about their own tardiness. Anyone who claims they were fully prepared and wrapped gifts in June has fundamentally misunderstood the rules of engagement.
This linguistic shift applies to many common festive utterances. A last-minute mutter of "Come over on Christmas night for a drink" almost always translates to "please don't – I'll be comatose on the couch with a tub of Heroes and Wallace and Gromit."
Similarly, the claim "It's for the kids really" is shorthand for a personal desire to revert to childhood, don a silly Santa hat, and play with the new toys. The phrase "we thought we'd have a change with beef this year" typically means a September idea was met with family mutiny, resulting in the traditional turkey making its annual appearance, regardless of popular opinion.
The Honest Truth of the Season
Amidst this web of subtext and hidden meaning, there remains one phrase that stands apart in its simplicity and honesty. It carries no double meaning, no secret code. It is a simple, powerful wish that contains everything we hope for others, for ourselves, and for the world: "Happy Christmas."
As the article concludes, the writer looks forward to seeing readers "on the other side" of the festive rush.
A Festive Footnote from M&S
The piece concludes with a personal anecdote highlighting Marks & Spencer's status as a Christmas emporium, providing everything from turkey to tinsel. The author, describing herself as less a clothes horse and more a dishevelled donkey, recounts a humorous changing room encounter. After seeking a fellow shopper's opinion on a new jumper, which received wholehearted approval, she then tried on some jeans.
Emerging to ask for another opinion, the same lady declared: "Oh no, that top doesn't suit you at all." The author didn't have the heart to reveal the top was her own, noting wryly that this wasn't just any insult—this was a Marks & Spencer insult.
Susan Lee has been a journalist for over 35 years, writing for national and regional titles including The Mirror, OK! Magazine, and the Liverpool Echo, where she was print editor. She is the founder and co-presenter of the award-winning podcast The Menopod and writes a regular column for daily regional titles across the UK.
