Birmingham Single Mother Finds Strength After Divorce, Now Aims to Empower Others
Shagufta Zabeer, a 40-year-old single mother of three from Stechford, Birmingham, has transformed her life after enduring what she describes as the hardest period following her divorce. After leaving a 15-year marriage that she characterizes as painful, Zabeer spent years working on herself, ultimately finding peace and a new purpose in helping other women.
From Survival Mode to Self-Discovery
When Zabeer first became a single parent, she entered what she calls survival mode, struggling without support while trying to maintain stability for her children, now aged 14, 16, and 18. Reflecting on that time, she said, I didn't have any relatives in the country, I was on my own. The hardest thing in my life was single motherhood, while feeling stuck in survival mode, while feeling lonely, while feeling there is no support - all while holding it together for my children.
She recalls a pivotal moment sitting on her kitchen floor, crying out in despair. However, this difficult period became her turning point. I realised I don't need to wait to be rescued, I can partner with God to rebuild my own life, Zabeer explained. Through journaling, healing practices, and regulating her nervous system, she managed to completely change her life.
Building a New Identity and Career
Now in her fifth year of being single, Zabeer has rebuilt her identity with the support of Inward Parenting, a community group founded by Alicia Douglas, another single mother with a powerful story. Zabeer is thriving in her final year of training to become an integrative counsellor and has established her own business, Blossom Coaching.
15 years of marriage, I was staying in pain, I felt I was hoping that the relationship would work, but actually I was neglecting my own needs and minimising my own pain, she added. That is why I now help women who are stuck in survival mode to feel safe in themselves again.
Transforming Family Dynamics
Zabeer's personal growth has positively impacted her relationship with her children. Getting closer to knowing who I really am helps me with my children. When a mother is distant to herself, her children are going to be distant too, she noted. They are not ashamed to talk about anything with me, whatever it is, they can talk about it openly.
She proudly shares that she has created peace and harmony in her household, a significant change from when she would startle at sounds like a plate breaking. This is a year I'm at peace, Zabeer stated. Changing myself is the thing that's changed my life.
Future Plans and Continued Growth
Zabeer remains single, emphasizing that she refuses to settle for anything less than I deserve. She is currently writing a self-help book titled Awaken the Divine, drawing from her experiences of leaving her marriage and her counselling training. Her story serves as an inspiration to other women facing similar challenges, demonstrating that transformation and empowerment are possible through self-work and community support.
