A mother is questioning whether to cancel a planned play date after discovering another parent's controversial social media posts. The online post, which argued that same-sex parents 'shouldn't be allowed to adopt', attracted what the mum described as 'bold' comments – including contributions from a fellow nursery parent.
The Mumsnet user explained that while she 'didn't know her well', they had arranged a meet-up with the parent and her child. The mum assumed the other parent was aware of her 'family set up' and said her wife now wanted to be 'mysteriously busy' that day to avoid 'any awkwardness if she hasn't realised'.
However, she was 'tempted to go along' so as not to 'interfere' with the children's friendship, despite not being 'thrilled' at the prospect of 'awkward parent chat'. Her post, which she stressed was 'not a political debate', read: 'Do you decide which kids hang out with yours based on their parents (if they are of a parents coming along age)? I'm from a two mum family and debating if I should still go on a play date thing.'
She added: 'Long story short a local political group (naming no names!) has recently posted some dodgy stuff about same sex parents, box ticking and that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt, which has meant that people in the comments are chipping in some bold stuff. One of the people liking/adding some posts, is someone who we are due to meet up with next week whose kid goes to nursery with ours. We don't know her well, I'd presume she knows our family set up but I don't know because this is the first non nursery meet up. DW [dear wife] wants to be mysteriously busy, because she doesn't want any awkwardness if she hasn't realised, or for those views to get through to our kid if it becomes a longer friendship. Our kids can hang out at nursery etc, just not on parent play dates outside of it until perhaps when they are old enough that hanging out with the kid doesn't mean also hanging out with the parents. I don't want to interfere with the friendship but am not thrilled at awkward parent chat while they play. None of this is either of our kids fault so I'm tempted to go along but then don't know what I'd do if she wants to schedule more.'
In the reply section, one user said: 'Think you're really justified either way. You can go, and likely educate them - and their kids - that you're just a normal family doing your thing. Unlikely that these keyboard warriors are close to any same sex parents. They'll not be brave enough to express their views to your face so wont be awkward. Alternatively, you're well within your rights not to go, and it's just a nursery friendship, not something where you really need to support your kid.'
A second read: 'You wouldn’t be unreasonable not to go but under the circumstances, I definitely would. As you said, their views will filter down to the kids and, not to excuse their ignorance at all, but maybe they’ve never met any same sex couples? Kill them with kindness and they might twig that actually, you are normal people and perfectly valid parents, they might even end up sticking up for you if others are showing prejudice.'
A third chipped in: 'It's understandable that you'd rather swerve the interaction, but you're early into the parenthood journey and are you going to use avoidance every time you face an uncomfortable encounter in the decades to come? You'd be restricting yourself a lot. Maybe use this as an opportunity to test the waters and see how it pans out. She may not know your family set-up, but even if she does, she won't necessarily be vocal about it. Some people have a blind spot about whether the views they express about the world in general apply to people they actually know - I had a colleague who would often talk about too much immigration, completely overlooking the fact that she was married to an immigrant. I think they see the problem with 'them' but anyone they know personally doesn't count as 'them'.'
A fourth wrote: 'I would be inclined to message her and say that you have seen her views on social media and just to let her know, in case she didn't, that you are in a same sex relationship. That way you are outing her opinions in advance and also allowing the opportunity to cancel the play date if that's how she really feels. I wouldn't hide it and if that is how she feels, that's no friendship your dear child needs.'
