A Black Country man who 'thought about death daily' said art gave him 'light in the darkness'. Ben Poultney's battle with depression began with panic attacks that he couldn't 'explain or control'. He said his brain became an 'unpleasant place to live in' and for 'many years' he spent 'every second thinking that death might not be such a bad idea'.
To the untrained eye, his mental health struggles made little sense. 'I had an amazing family, good prospects, and the best friends anyone could ask for,' Ben explained. 'But for many years, I spent every second thinking that death today might not be such a bad idea. It all started with daily panic attacks that I couldn’t explain, nor take control of. They took over my life and I was having several a day. My brain was such an unpleasant place to live, that when I was on planes and trains I would be thinking things along the lines of – if this were to crash right now, that might actually be quite a good thing.'
With the help of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and medication, Ben was able to find his way back. However, he said art also played a huge part. 'The longer I leave it without creating any kind of art, the worse I am mentally. It is just as important for me as exercise, fresh air and a healthy diet is for most people.'
Partnership with Birmingham Mind
Ben, who founded Draw My Town, has now launched a partnership with Birmingham Mind, the organisation he turned to during his darkest hours. The artist, who goes by the alias of Benjibonz, has unveiled a modern interpretation of Vincent van Gogh’s 1890 painting 'Sorrowing Old Man', which he has dubbed 'Sorrowing Young Man'. He will give 100 per cent of the profit for every print sold to the charity in order to support mental health services for those who need them most.
'Vincent painted this just months before he took his own life and you can feel his pain just looking at it,' Ben said. 'It’s well known that Vincent suffered with his mental health, so I drew my modern version showing that these very same issues still persist now. My artwork tries to reflect the post-impressionist style that Van Gogh was known for during this era – coincidentally, a style of art that is in my opinion, excellent for releasing and showing emotion.'
Free Therapeutic Art Workshops
Ben will also be channelling his experience into action, using his partnership with the charity to bring free therapeutic art workshops to the community. He said: 'When I was young I used to draw pretty chaotic, often bloody and violent cartoon scenes. There’s no doubt this used to worry some of my family a little, but I think they soon realised that this was just me releasing whatever energy, passion and pent-up frustrations that I had inside me - there was a lot of it. I see now that if I didn’t have this outlet, my internalised energy would have manifested itself in problematic ways. Many friends around me in my hometown ended up with addiction problems, dealing, in jail, or are no longer with us, and I’m sure that without a creative outlet I would have easily followed suit.'
'Art gave me an outlet, it gave me hope when everything felt hopeless. Through these workshops with Birmingham Mind, I want to show others that creativity isn’t just about making something beautiful, it’s about keeping your brain healthy, and finding light in the darkness. If my story can help just one person pick up a pencil, then it will have been worth it. Let’s doodle our way toward better mental health, together.'
Visit birminghammind.org for more information about the support available.
